The catch: A prenup therapy provision like ours is considered a soft clause, meaning it’s less legally binding than hard clauses about physical property, savings, or debt. “I don’t disagree that couples are starting to look at prenups in a different light, but they need to be careful about getting too creative because then it becomes harder for the court to enforce,” says Carmela Miraglia, a Massachusetts divorce mediator and senior associate attorney for Lynch & Owens, P. C.
But make sure, whatever you choose to do, you’re doing it because you want to—not because you’re feeling pressure. “What ultimately works best for millennial couples is formulating the blueprint of their own relationships, not building it based on past relationships or societal or family expectations,” says Higgins. “There’s merit to coming up with hard and soft boundaries to uphold your marital stability, regardless of what’s legally binding. ” For us, it felt like the right move to include a soft prenup clause about therapy before divorce, which we hope we’ll never have to invoke.
"My fiance and I agreed to a prenup stating that before divorcing, we’ll attend at least as many therapy sessions as the number of years we’ve been together. " Roll your eyes if you want, but—as part of Glamour. com's weeklong series on modern divorce—writer Hannah Hickok explains why emotional protection is something increasingly important to millennials.
In spite of evidence showing that prenups are on the rise among millennials, there are still plenty who believe the cons outweigh the pros. “I didn’t get a prenup because I felt it ruined the spirit of marriage,” says Darrell, 30, of Los Angeles, who tied the knot earlier this year. “I married my wife as a lifelong partner, not a temporary one, and having that mindset from the start was key for me.
Jaclyn, 31, of Philadelphia, says she would consider including one in the prenup she and her long-term boyfriend will have when they marry. “We each have enough of our own assets to protect, and even if we didn’t, we’d get a prenup from a future-earnings perspective,” she says. “My boyfriend is opposed to therapy unless it’s in a marriage-saving context, so I love the idea of including a clause like that.
Most millennials who opt for a prenup, though, don’t see it as a negative reflection of their relationship. “While I’m confident that my marriage will last forever, I inherited a collection of jewelry from my grandmother, whom I was close with as a child,” says Harper, 28, of New York, whose wedding is next February. “I would never risk losing something so precious and significant.
Experts believe millennials—who recently made headlines for helping the U. S. divorce rate drop 18 percent from 2008 to 2016—approach marriage differently than our parents did, so it makes sense that we also approach marital contracts differently. “The definition and meaning of marriage has transformed for this generation,” Liz Higgins, LMFT and owner of Dallas-based Millennial Life Counseling, told Glamour. com. “Millennials are less inclined to marry for religious, financial, or family-status reasons.
What’s more, if we one day decide to divorce, our intention is to build mutual respect and understanding into the process, regardless of the outcome. “The driving force of a decision like a prenup is what the couple brings to the table,” Higgins told me what I discussed our prenup with her. “If a prenup comes from a place of fear, anxiety, or distrust, then it will be experienced as a tense and negative component of the relationship.
Protect your emotional investment. ☀️ https://t.co/sWSTu8CKyo— Glamour (@glamourmag) June 7, 2019