What are We? 11 Tips for Having ‘The Talk’

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If it is ‘your person’ nothing will keep them away," says Hendrix. "As tempting as it might be to have difficult conversations by phone or text, make sure you talk about this in person," says Chiara Atik, dating expert and author of Modern Dating: A Field Guide. "Texting is far too ambiguous for this type of conversation, and phone conversations just aren't the same as meeting face-to-face.

You know it's the right time to have the talk when you cannot get the thought out of your head. "Not all relationship anxiety is bad anxiety—anxiety can nudge us towards something that needs to happen," says Rebecca Hendrix, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. "If you obsess about where your relationship is going, most likely you are at the point where you need to know.

Don’t start the chat with “We need to talk. "We need to talk" are four of the most anxiety-producing words in the English language. Avoid them at all costs. "Don't ever say to somebody 'we need to talk' because that will immediately throw them into a panic," says Los Angeles-based relationship and dating coach Lisa Shield.

The conversation doesn’t have to be serious just because the topic is. "The talk shouldn't be heavy and pressure-filled," says Andrea Syrtash, dating expert and author of He's Just Not Your Type (and That's a Good Thing). "If you want to tell them you see more potential, you can let them know in a fun and upbeat way.

For example, if you've only gone on a few dates, it's probably too soon—even, says Hendrix, if you've slept together. "If you choose to sleep with someone sooner than your system can handle it, then it is on you to help manage your anxiety.

Keep looking for the right person who is ready for the commitment that you desire. "If you are not on the same page, first high five yourself for being a badass superhero for asking for what you want.

Remind yourself that it's OK and healthy to ask for what you want. "Remind yourself that it’s ok to ask for what you want in life, whether it be a promotion or the type of relationship you want.

If you have the "what are we" conversation with someone and it turns out that they don't want a committed relationship, don't be afraid to move on. Don't settle.

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